The Energy-Efficient/Lazy Girl’s Guide to Pasta
Information you Need to Endure #FirstWorldPains
Spaghetti - I am your basic boring pasta. Cook me when you have no imagination.
Angel Hair - I am the ultimate lazy girl’s gourmet pasta. Dip me in and I’m done! Don’t expect me to crawl onto your fork for you though; I’m still high-maintenance and like a photo-shoot before enduring consumption.
Linguine - I’m the staple pasta you go to when you don’t feel like cooking but want to feel like you cooked something. I only take 9 minutes which is enough time to boot your *ahem* “computer” as you call it while texting Lisa about how you promise to check out the youtube music links she sent you. Add olive oil and some dried parsley from CVS and you can pretend you ate a meal. (Really though, you better eat something filling for breakfast or else!)
Fettuccine - I am the patience tester! I take all of 12 minutes to cook, pull me out too soon and you’ll forget you ever liked “al dente.” Cook me when you have the fortitude to use your fork and want time to write a post about how much you overanalyze pasta.
Rotini - I’m your pick if you don’t have enough drama in your life and you forgot your hair is plenty curly on its own.
Elbows - Where’s my cheese?
Bowties - No really I’m too high maintence and I’m allergic to your fork so don’t even bother.
Tri-Color Rotini - Seriously … you have time for pasta salad?!?!
Lasagna - You expect me to come withsauce and ricotta?! I have a dinner date for you. Her name’s Marie Calender.
And there you have it! If there’s any more useless information you need to help you through your troubled 21st century life I can upload a video blog explaining the names of my sunglasses! Sure, we all know about Dina the Massively Fabulous Diva featured in Way Beyond Myself, but don’t you want to see Sergeant’s “Matrix” impersonation?